Today I had to speak in our Sacrament meeting. As weird as it sounds I actually like speaking in church. I guess I should not say that too loud as I may be called on more often. I was asked to speak on the Light of Christ. I wanted to post a small portion of my talk as it shares some things that I have learned the past few years. Who knows, maybe sharing this will touch or help someone else.
"As I thought about the past couple of years and the trials that Monte and I have faced I have learned a great deal. I have learned that it doesn’t matter how righteous your desires are if you are not following the Light of Christ there can be a lot of distress and confusion. I have learned that if you are not turning to the Lord and constantly working on keeping the Light of Christ within you, those desires and trials can pull you down and make life harder than it is intended to be. Let me share a personal example of this. As Monte and I have tried for several years to bring more children into our family there have been times when those desires brought me down. The older my little girl, Camryn, got the harder it was for me to enjoy her. I looked at her as loosing my baby and not rejoicing in her progress and growth. Many questions were asked like, “Am I not a good enough mother?” or “What do I need to change so that the Lord will trust me with more children?” I look back now on those feelings and realize that during those dark times I was allowing the light within me to be clouded and at times almost completely darkened. It was at one of my clouded times when I turned to the Lord with a sincere heart ready to hear and accept what answers He had for me. As I prayed to know if more children would come into our home I was surprised at the answer. The answer I received was not about the children that may or may not come into our home, but about the two children I do have. I got the answer that I have been blessed two beautiful, wonderful, children whom I need to love, appreciate, and enjoy to the fullest. How that answer has changed me. It doesn’t mean that my desires have changed. It means that along with those desires I can love and appreciate my family. I can rise above the feelings that pulled the Light of Christ from me and focus on putting myself in situations where I can let the Light of Christ within me shine and share that light with others."
9 comments:
I wasn't able to be in church and so didn't hear your talk. Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself.
I don't know how to express my thoughts, but I hope you know that there are many of us that are thinking of you and your beautiful family, that we have shared or still share some of that pain, and that I am so grateful for the reminder to be thankful for what I do have and not let my feelings for things I still might want get in the way of experiencing the joy that I can feel in my blessings I have already been given. Thank you.
Ok, I just worte a post but I don't know where it is, so if you find another one, lucky you, you get 2!! Anyway, thanks for sharing your blog with us. I sure enjoy reading it and hearing about your family. I wish I could have heard the rest of your talk. You always amaze me. No wonder I have always wanted to be like you. You always find the positive in everything even if it is a very difficult challenge. Thanks for your thoughts and for opening up my eyes a little bit. We sure love your kids and Paisley does too. She'll play with them anytime. They are so great. Thanks again, see you soon, love ya.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It is so hard to understand why God chooses not to send children to a righteous strong home and yet sends so many to broken homes or single mothers. I struggled with that a lot when I couldn't get pregnant with our first. I asked a couple times for a blessing, and the blessings never promised that I would have children. Instead they told me to serve others and forget myself. (not really what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear)
Anyway, I know things will all make work out and make sense someday. Your family is amazing, and I think your experience will strengthen a lot of people. Thanks for the great example!
Interesting that you like to talk in church! I sure don't, but the topic I was given for my last talk was also "light of christ" but, thanks for inserting part of your talk, I think it was something that I needed to hear right now:)hope you guys are doing well with the new carreer shift :)
I enjoy preparing a talk, but that's about where the fun stops for me :) Thank you for sharing part of it. I can't count the times I have prayed for my "rightous desires" only to be redirected and corrected. Great perspective.
I like to talk in church to. maybe shouldn't admit it, but I do. I love that the lord knows us so well! when we turn to him he gives us the answers we NEED not what we want. I remember when I lived in SF I prayed Mike would be home more, I was so lonley, to my suprise the Lord awnsered with a good "get over it, he has a lot of work to do, be strong!" I am a better person now becuase I have learned to be a little stronger.
Thank you for reminding me of his love as a father. you are so wonderful!
I am glad that I was able to hear you speak on Sunday. I really think you are an amazing lady Jill. You are such a great example of quiet strength and service. I cried a lot while you were speaking because even though I don't know your pain I love you and it hurts to know what you have gone through. I so appreciate the sweet encouraging words you have given me over the last year. Even though our struggles are different it helps to know that our Father in Heaven expects us to be there for each other when we need to feel his love.
My sister in law... Alison Robison is in your ward and forwarded your blog to my husband and I. We are also struggling to have another child. Thank you so much for posting your story. It really helps to listen to others who have been through what we are! I love your thought and will use them as we get through this!
Thanks for sharing Jill. I love you.
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